Elevator Revenge
by Eligent
Summary: Just how much abuse can one poor elevator take before it decides to get even? One-shot.


**Elevator Revenge**

**by Eligent**

**Summary:** Just how much abuse can one poor elevator take before it decides to get even?

**A/N: **An old, old, thing I dragged up from the deepest, darkest dungeons that is my hard drive. But since it seems to be finished I might as well post it…

* * *

Suddenly the elevator came to a screeching halt. The lights went out leaving them in gloomy darkness until the emergency lights came on. It was quiet, since the alarm had long since been disconnected.

Tony immediately slapped the back of McGee's head. "What did you do?" he asked accusingly.

"I didn't do anything," McGee protested, rubbing the back of his head.

"You must've done something," Tony persevered.

"No!" McGee defended himself. "I haven't screwed up in days. It must've been you!"

"I haven't done anything either," Tony defended himself just as vehemently.

"Well, someone must've screwed up," McGee said.

"Wasn't me," Ziva declared her innocence.

"Boss," Tony said. "Who screwed up?"

"No one," Gibbs answered, his back still turned towards the team.

Tony and McGee exchanged confused looks.

"Then why did you stop the elevator?" McGee asked.

Gibbs turned around and glared at them. "I didn't," he said. "It stopped on its own."

"Oh…" McGee said. "Well, I suppose it was bound to happen sooner or later. I mean, how many emergency stops can one elevator take?"

"Are you suggesting this is my fault, McGee?" Gibbs asked menacingly.

"No, boss," McGee gulped. "Never."

"Well, shouldn't we call someone and tell them that it's for real this time?" Tony asked. Gibbs turned his head and stared on him. Tony backed away. "Which you've already thought about and now you're waiting for me to shut up. Shutting up now, boss."

Gibbs smirked at him and fished his cell phone out of his pocket, dialing maintenance.

"Are any of you claustrophobic?" Gibbs asked once he'd hung up the phone. "Cause if you are, I'd rather just knock you out now than listen to your whining."

Ziva and Tony immediately looked at McGee.

"What?" he asked. "I'm not claustrophobic."

"Are you sure?" Ziva asked. "Because now would be a very bad time to find out."

"Yeah," Tony said. "You're afraid of everything else."

"Am not!" McGee protested. "I just have a thing about heights, that's all."

"And blood," Tony said.

"And maggots," Ziva supplied.

"And poison ivy," Tony supplemented.

"And teeny tiny cute, fluffy little kittens," Ziva continued.

"I'm not afraid of cats or poison ivy," McGee protested sullenly. "I'm allergic to them, there's a difference."

* * *

Gibbs' phone trilled. "Hello Jenny," he answered.

"Stuck in an elevator?" his boss said. "Really, Jethro, you're gonna have to come up with a better excuse than that. You're not getting out of it that easily. You will accompany me to the banquet tonight and you'll be there with bells on."

"Jenny-"

"You will wear a tux-"

"Jenny-"

"You will behave impeccably-"

"Jenny-"

"You will make polite small talk with the bigwigs-"

"Jenny-"

"And you will dance with their wives-"

"Jenny-"

"You will sit through dinner without complaining-"

"Jenny-"

"And when they offer you compliments and congratulations on a job well done, you will accept them."

"Jenny-"

"So flip the damn switch and stop sulking!"

"JENNY!"

"What?"

"It's not an excuse. We really are stuck in the elevator. It won't budge. So if you feel the need to yell as someone, go yell at the elevator repairmen."

"Oh."

* * *

"This is boring," Tony complained.

"We could play something," McGee suggested.

"Like what?" Tony questioned, loosening his tie.

"Like, I Spy or something."

"I Spy? Unless you've noticed, there aren't a whole lot of things here to spy."

"Well, I do have a bigger vocabulary than you, Tony. I could probably keep you guessing awhile."

Tony made a face at him.

* * *

"So I got this e-mail a while back," Tony said. "Things to do in an elevator…"

Ziva twirled around and shoved her finger in his face. "Don't you dare."

"What?" Tony asked innocently.

"I got that e-mail too, and if you so much as think of making explosion noises when anyone presses a button or call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on, I'll crawl up the emergency hatch myself and cut the wires, sending you straight into the basement."

"Okay, fine. Sheesh." Tony held his hands up. "Where's your sense of humor, Ziva?"

"My sense of humor is very refined, Tony. And it does not include pointless lists of things to do in an elevator or how to keep a healthy level of insanity, that's for sure."

"I have to agree with Ziva on this one," McGee said.

"Of course you do, Probie," Tony said with disgust.

Ziva smiled at McGee. "At least he doesn't have a Twister mat or a hand puppet with him."

"True," McGee said. "I guess we should be grateful for the small things. Let's hope he doesn't do the group hug one."

Tony's face lit up. "Hey, that's a great idea!"

* * *

"So, I'm thinking of something animal," Tony said.

"What?" Ziva asked. "Where? Is it a spider? Is it on me?" She craned her neck to look at her back.

"No, Ziva," McGee explained. "It's a game, called twenty questions. Tony is thinking of something and we can ask 20 yes or no questions to try and figure it out. Animal is the category, that means it can be anything from the animal kingdom as opposed to something vegetable or mineral. Is it a person?" he asked Tony.

"Yes. Nineteen."

"Steve McQueen," Ziva said.

Tony's jaw dropped. "How did you know?"

* * *

"I'm hungry," Ziva complained. "Doesn't anyone have anything to eat?"

No one volunteered any food.

"How long are we supposed to be in here without food?" Ziva wondered, holding her stomach which was audibly grumbling.

"Maybe it's gonna be like in _Alive_," Tony said. "Say, who are we going to eat first? You have a lot of nice fleshy parts, don't you Probie?" He prodded McGee's gut.

McGee batted the finger away. "I doubt we're going to have to resort to cannibalism, Tony. Besides, we don't have any fava beans or Chianti."

"Oh hoho," Tony chuckled, rubbing his hands together. "Little Tim, trying out his first movie quote. Want to play with the big boys, do you? Very good, very good. Now let's see…"

* * *

"I saw this movie once where the elevator got stuck—"

Suddenly Tony found himself lying on his back with Ziva straddling his chest, one of her hands bunched in his shirt. "So help me, Tony, if you do not shut up, I'll—"

"Okay, okay, calm down," he held his hands out by his head, brushing into Gibbs' shoe. Looking up he saw that his boss was staring straight ahead into the wall while McGee was peering down at them curiously. "Are you sure you're not claustrophobic, Ziva? 'Cause you're behaving a bit panicky."

"At least there's nothing in here for you to set on fire this time," she said, standing up.

"Hey. You thought burning that money was a good idea too! McGee, help me up."

McGee made a face at him, but reached down and clasped his outstretched hand.

"What are you complaining about?" Tony asked McGee.

"You kicked me when you fell to the floor," McGee complained, rubbing his shin.

"Oh, poor you. A little booboo on your leg. Want me to kiss and make it better? At least you won't have to suffer from chronic back pains from being attacked by a co-worker."

"So why aren't we climbing out the emergency hatch?" McGee asked, wanting to change the subject.

"Well," Tony said. "I suppose _we_ could," he indicated himself and Ziva. "But you'd still be stuck down here."

"I'm not fat!" McGee protested. "I could climb up there."

"What about your fear of heights?" Ziva asked.

McGee glanced up at the ceiling. "It's not that high."

Tony smirked at him. "What about standing in the dark, narrow elevator shaft, standing on top of a rickety elevator car that could start plummeting at any minute? And then climbing upwards, holding on to the cables with sweaty hands, hoping they won't snap, hoping that you'll be able to pry open the nearest elevator doors…"

McGee swallowed hard and glanced up again. "But the repairmen have been at it a while now. They should be nearly through, right? I mean, how long can it take?"

"It'll be fine, McGee," Ziva said, patting his arm comfortingly.

* * *

McGee's phone rang. It was Abby.

"Are you really stuck in the elevator?"

"Yes."

"Really, really stuck?"

"Yes Abby, we're really, really stuck… for real."

"Wow… You know, I always thought that elevator was indestructible, like it was made out of the same material they make black boxes from or something."

"Sorry to disappoint you, but it's just your run-of-the-mill elevator."

"Okay. But don't worry. Remember that only five people die in elevators every year."

"Well, I suppose the four of us will make a nice start, then," McGee said glumly.

"McGee!" she chided him. "You have to stay positive!"

* * *

"I'm hungry," Ziva started up again. "How long have we been in here?"

McGee looked at his watch. Then he frowned. Then he tapped the glass with his fingernail, shook his wrist and held it up to his ear before looking at his wrist again. "Thirty minutes? That can't be right? It feels more like a week, right?"

Tony grabbed McGee's wrist and looked at the watch, equally as dumbfounded. "Just a half hour? Or is it twelve and a half hour, and that's why it only looks like it's been a half hour."

"Nope," Gibbs said. "It's just a half hour."

* * *

There was a rustling sound from the corner and McGee looked at Tony's back, since he had turned to face the corner. "What are you doing?"

"Doing? Nothing." The answer sounded grumbled.

Suddenly Ziva sniffed the air. "I smell chocolate." _Sniff, sniff_. "And peanuts. You have food! Give me!"

"No." Tony squared his shoulders, curling protectively around his candy bar. "It's mine."

Ziva, however, was not that easily persuaded. In one fluid motion she jumped up on Tony's back, her arms going round his neck. When Tony staggered back from the wall a little, in response to the onslaught, she wound her legs around his waist and held on so tight that she now had her hands free to battle Tony's hands for the candy bar. "I said… _give me_."

"No, get you own!"

"Umph," McGee protested as a stray elbow found his gut, but neither of the combatants paid him any heed. Tony was staggering around the small space trying to dislodge his unwelcome passenger and Ziva was completely zeroed in on the half-eaten candy bar… which was suddenly gone.

Both Tony and Ziva stopped in shock, looked up quickly and saw the candy bar disappearing into Gibbs' mouth. He glared at them, daring them to protest, which they had no intention of doing. Ziva quietly slipped down from Tony's back.

"Nice," Gibbs said. "Got any more?"

Tony shook his head. "No, sorry, boss. That was the only one."

* * *

Suddenly the floor dropped out from underneath them and they were falling as the elevator plunged down the shaft, followed by a very girlish scream, which most certainly didn't come from Ziva. Or Gibbs. Or even McGee.

The crash as they hit the bottom of the shaft came as suddenly as the fall had started, sending everybody to the floor in an undignified heap. The emergency lights had died completely, leaving them in utter darkness and complete silence.

"Everyone okay?" Gibbs asked, picking himself off the now slightly buckled floor. "Ziva?"

"I'm fine, Gibbs," she answered as she nimbly climbed back on her feet.

"DiNozzo?"

"I'm fine too, boss. McGee broke my fall," Tony said from somewhere close to the floor. "Thanks, Probie."

"McGee?"

"I'm boss, fine," a slurry voice answered him.

"You're boss, McGee?" Gibbs asked with a raised eyebrow. Reaching down in the dark he found Tony's shoulder. "Get off him, DiNozzo."

Squatting down in the cramped space Gibbs shone a flashlight in McGee's face, making him squint, but he couldn't see any injuries.

"What's wrong, McGee?"

"Nothing, I told you I'm boss… I mean, I'm fine."

"Can you sit up?"

"Of course."

Taking a hold of McGee's arm Gibbs pulled him up and put a hand on his head, feeling his scalp. In the back of McGee's head there was a sizable, slightly sticky lump.

"Do I have a concussion?" McGee asked.

"No, you've got a bump on your head," Gibbs said. "You're fine. Besides, we've hit bottom now so we'll be out soon."

As if on cue they heard scraping noises from outside.

The elevator doors slid apart just about five inches. Like on a totem pole, three heads appeared, one above the other. Director Sheppard, Ducky and Abby.

"What are you doing?" Gibbs asked. "Why aren't you opening the doors?"

"In a minute, Jethro," Director Sheppard said.

"We just want to make sure that you're all still…" Ducky trailed off.

"You know… sane," Abby finished for him.

"I am," Gibbs answered. "I'm not sure the rest of them ever have been."

* * *

With the doors finally opened, Ziva and Tony practically raced each other through them. McGee followed, looking a little skittish as he passed the threshold. Gibbs sauntered out as if nothing had happened.

The repairman stood next to Ducky, scratching his hair. Tony turned to him. "So what was wrong with the elevator?"

"Dammed if I know," the repairman answered. "I couldn't find anything. Everything was working, it just wasn't moving. And there was no reason at all for it to suddenly drop like that! All cables were fine, the brakes worked. It's like it had a mind of its own, you know." He walked into the elevator and started examining it.

"Ooh," Abby chimed. "Spooky. Maybe it was out for revenge for all the times you stopped it, Gibbs."

"It's an inanimate object, Abby," McGee protested. "It doesn't have feelings."

"I don't know, I saw this movie once—" Tony started and then turned on his heels and started running up the stairs with a wild-eyed Ziva in pursuit. They heard her shouting, "Tony, I swear to god!" before the trample of their feet disappeared.

"Come with me, Timothy," Ducky said, waving McGee towards autopsy. "Let's take a look at that head of yours."

"Oh, are you injured?" Abby crooned, latching on to McGee's sleeve. "Poor baby." All three of them disappeared through the sliding doors, leaving only Jenny and Gibbs in the hall.

The director was wearing a stunning red evening gown and a diamond necklace. She was carrying a garment bag, and Gibbs had a sinking feeling that it contained his tuxedo. Director Sheppard looked at her watch. "Well, I'm glad everything worked out and you are finally out of the elevator. The limo is picking us up for the banquette in exactly four minutes. I hope you don't mind changing in the car." She handed him the garment bag. "Lucky you can make it, isn't it?" Jenny gathered up her long skirt and started up the stairs.

Gibbs turned and looked at the elevator with hostile eyes. "Only four minutes to go, huh? Isn't that lucky?" Maybe there was something to Abby's revenge theory after all.

Behind him the elevator's lights came back on and the doors slowly closed.

The End


End file.
